Sunday, April 29, 2007

Forever love

Hello… and goodbye

I awoke April 29 at 4:50 a.m., thinking of you. How could I not? A sweet throated bird was singing something of a birth announcement. Fourteen years ago at 11:18 a.m. day light savings time, you, Anne Dee Coyle entered the world- I know this because your dad had set his watch to atomic time- we wanted to know the exact moment. It’s a girl! Did you know your grandpa dropped off a bouquet of flowers for you at 5:18 this morning? His headlights glaring into the house like investigative eyes. That’s grandpa. How could I have known that fourteen years ago, when I first said “Hello impetuous one! I love you madly… forever…” that I would wake this day with tears squeaking from my eyes… times are changing. You expertly held the oxygen mask up to your face. My starlet. …wait a minute, Give ME that air!
Fast forward, it is time for goodbye- WAIT, didn’t we just say hello? It’s a girl!! Was it that last batch of chocolate chip cookies that pushed you over the edge? Or my latest question, “Is everything okay?” No one ever told me you would pull away… (yes they did, I just didn’t listen!) Will you be back anytime soon? (Shipoo puppies are warm, but they don’t tell the same stories. They don’t carry the same confident swagger in each and every step. Or bump-set-spike… like you do.)
Did you know that behind my smile, inside my throat, there was a twist of pain when you said, “I WISH I could go to boarding school in England for high school!” I thought, but did not say, “Who will make you macaroni and cheese? Or sweep aside the straggler hairs from your eyes?” Times are changing. There’s a fog in your stare- does this mean you won’t “tell” me what’s in your heart any more? Maybe that’s why I bought you the heart bracelet from Tiffany’s for your birthday this year. Maybe it symbolizes… MY HEART is with you always. Remember…when you said, with stars ejecting from your spirit, ”Do princesses have to wear hiking shoes?” It was a magical moment. There you go again- making my dreams come true. It’s a girl!! I wrote an entire book series… for you. Who else?
You must never know, ever, about the squeaking tears. Choking them back now… I hear that voice again. Remember? It’s that same one that tried to give me advice when you were tiny enough to catch - “she’ll be pulling away…” “No she won’t!” I said then.
“Yes, she will.” “No she won’t.”
“Yes, she will.”
“But…” the voice says, “She’ll be back.”

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

We're BACK!!!

A couple days of New Mexican sunshine, soaking and... whispering. Shhhh... Yes... 'twas I who reserved the two nights at Ojo Caliente Hot Springs in New Mexico. At Ojo Caliente they prefer whispering- over the use of soft voices. Tell THAT to two teenagers. "Ummmm. Kids. Mom made a little mistake... you can't talk here... Okay?"

I thought Ojo Caliente was going to be like Glenwood Springs Colorado- with the big hot springs pool, twirly slides, chaise lounges- and plenty of "CANON BALLLLLLL's!!"

Well. Ojo Caliente is a mineral springs. Which translates to "a place where people go for inner reflection- healing, solitude." It's a spiritual place. The Native American's discovered Ojo hundreds of years ago. It's now on BLM land. We saw wild horses (well, we THINK they were wild.) and wild rocks. (Inside joke) And we played a little car game... "the high desert is as flat as a...." (me, the writer, ever trying to inspire my children to think...the first things they came up with- a pancake! a line! wow... creative. It evolved- it ended with "as flat as a lizard under the tire.)

Ojo Caliente was glorious. We soaked ourselves silly. Our bodies marinated in an iron pool, a soda pool AND even an arsenic pool! (Yee-gads.) Which was the subject of great discussion... "Mom...wasn't there a movie about two little old ladies who kill people using.... arsenic?" Oh yeah- Arsenic and Old Lace. Hmmm. We drank waters from the Lithia pool- suppose to heal depression. Drink up mateys... and so I did! Mike and I kept toasting cups of our happy water and even brought some home. The kids said "YUCK it tastes like baking soda..." I kept saying "shhhhhh whisper!"

The food was pretty good. And that's saying something- because I'm a "registered foodie." (Is there such a thing? Should be.)

Three days with Annie, Nick and Mike- priceless.


Tuesday, April 03, 2007

It's SPRING BREAK! Woo-hooo. Actually, MY KIDS have spring break. Surely, the term "spring break" translates from Latin (or something ) into: I-agree-to-drive-them-all-over-the-city-so-they-can-still-see-their-friends-who-do-not-live-anywhere-near-our-house.

But that's okay. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to bear children. (NO more spring breaks for you, missy.) I probably even signed a driving clause... or something- don't remember now. I do, however, remember signing that lovely release form at the hospital right before an emergency C-section. You know, the one they stick in your face when you've just gone from 10 centimeters to 5? (Maybe IT had the driving clause.)

No matter. This year I figured a way we can ALL enjoy spring break! We're going to take a little vacation over the break. Just a little one... a road trip. Hmmmm. There's something wrong with that.